SLEEPLESS

Here we go yet another sleepless night .So many thoughts floating in the abyss of my mind, things that were things that could be and things that will never be.the things i have the things ive lost the things ill never have , lives stopped short the person i was the person i am now and the person i could be. thought of the changes that are starting can i really succeed this time or will i fail yet again? Have i broken my life beyond repair, am i able to make something of the broken pieces?then there are the thoughts of her the only real happy thoughts ive had in so long and it scares me so many things work against me on that one, I was told once that (" i will never have anything good in my life because im not worthy of it i dont deserve it oh dont be mistaken you will get good things but you will always lose them because you dont deserve happiness.") was that person right ? I pray not but at times when i look back at my life i think they might be right. I have always tried to do right but in the end i just fuck up. they say your life is what you make , well it seems that every thing i touch i break. I would give anything to break that cycle.I dont like the person i am at times, i feel like i have nothing to offer to anyone at times just undying friendship but my friendship seems hardly enough. I dont always feel this way actually as of late i feel like there is more to me than i thought like a part of me buried long ago before all the heartbreak and problems started has come to the surface once again and i feel worth something again. but will it last? who really knows?I guess i can only fight for those things i want so bad and hope for the best . If they dont work out then so be it i will just have to pick myself up and give it another go. the problem is ive fallen so many times that it gets harder to pick myself up each time. If it were not for my friends i would have stayed down long ago. Well the one thing is for sure a new page is starting in my life yet another chapter in the book of synn

and on a side note thank you to the FAM for always being there for me thank you so much